Hello Ethan

Hello my sweet boy. You are now 9 years old.. Time has flown by so fast. I sometimes sit and think about when you were a baby. It doesn't seem like its been that long ago but it seems like it went by to fast. The best advice I can give you is to not rush threw your life.. I regret so much rushing through life.  Always waiting for the next thing and not cherishing the moments and memories that are right in front of me. I want you to know that I love you so so much. I am so proud of you. You are smart and kind. (when you want to be) of coarse you have your moments but I know that you are gong to grow up and be a great person. I want you to do what ever you want to in life. If its fishing or hunting or playing sports.. just remember to be a good person while you figure out what it is that you want to do with your life.. Don't get discouraged bc you are small. You might be smaller then other people your age but you are mighty! You a strong and healthy and very smart and funny. I love you so much.

                                                                  Love you more. -mom

Changes.

I have decided that this blog is no longer going to be for me but something for my children to look back on. I am going to use it to write them letters and add special pictures that I love.. So as un interesting as my bolt once was its probably going to be even more uninteresting to people around me because it is going to be for my kids.
                                                   

mommy…whats in the word.

 When I was younger and Ethan was my only child I used to think that being a good mommy consisted . making sure he ate the best of the best meals.. extravagant meals… had the best new toys, had a nice looking bedroom.. making sure he was always dressed perfect, always looked perfect.. I thought that feeding him instant oatmeal or cereal for breakfast or spaghetti o's for lunch made me a bad mom ..


2 more kids later I realize that being a good mom has nothing to do with any of that. Being a good mom has to do with putting there needs before mine.. thinking of what is best for them and their future not. What makes me a good mom is I am not selfish with my time.. Do they still get homemade pancakes and eggs and bacon.. yes sometimes but more often then not they eat oatmeal and cereal and spaghetti o's and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches… bc the time i spend actually doing something with them is so much more important then what i do FOR them..


 As they get older and I look back at pictures i miss that time.. I may have been a stay at home mom all these years but i dont feel like I have got to spend a lot of time with them. I miss them being little.. even Elyza even though she is only 3. I can't get that time back and it makes me sad.. I spent the better part of last year being mad at people that dont even matter and that I should of never let into my universe in the first place.. I knew better..  I can't get that time back. I could of been focusing my energy on utilizing the time with my family.

Today I try to be the best mom I can be it doesn't always happen.. so days I'm super mom and other days i have to go to bed upset by the way i spent my day or yelled at the kids and i have to promise myself ill do better tomorrow.

Now does it make me a bad mother because I dont parent the way that you do , do the same schooling that you do, dress my kids like you do or cook the way you do ?? No and vise versa. Just because moms choose to parent differently doesn't make them a bad parent.. It doesn't  give me or you the right to judge anyone.. It doesn't make me wrong or you wrong.. so just remember that next time you decide to judge someone on there parenting.. or judge someone about anything having to do with there family.. my family is not your family.

I dont like being judged by other people by there standards on what a mom should do or say or teach or whatever.. It is probably one of  my HOT buttons.. because I have tried my very best to be a good mom to my children and when someone talks about my parenting or judges my parenting based on there life style it makes me want to beat someone. I pray a lot for Gods guidance for my children bc I dont want to ever make hasty  and selfish decisions about something bc of whats easier or better for me… I want it to be about them.. I dont want to be pushed by people about how they should be taught or what they should eat and I sure as heck dont want someone to try to make me feel like I am less of a mom because I dont go out back and cut the heads off chickens for my dinner.. (sorry for the graphic reference)..


I hope that I have never ever made someone to feel like less of a mother bc of something I have said or done in there company.. If i have ever I sincerely apologize.

As always i have run off on a tangent.. sorry about that..